Why did the oboe player go broke?
They spent all their money on reed-diculous accessories.
What’s the difference between an oboe and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
What do you call two oboes playing in tune?
A miracle.
How do you make an oboe sound more beautiful?
Sell it and buy a flute instead.
What’s the difference between an oboe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.
What do you call a beautiful woman on an oboist’s arm?
A tattoo.
Why do oboes make such bad house sitters?
They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.
What does an oboe have in common with a deadly knife?
They’re always too sharp.
Why do oboe players have such a hard time finding romantic partners?
They’re always out solo-ing.
How do you know the stage is level?
The oboist is drooling out of both sides of their mouth.
How many oboes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, but they have to try at least 20 lightbulbs before finding the right one.
How many oboes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, they’ll keep messing up and blame their reed for it.
How do you get two oboes to play in tune?
Shoot one.
No really. How do you get two oboes to play in tune?
Shoot them both.
Why do oboe players always carry a spare reed?
Because they’re always one broken reed away from a mental breakdown.
Why was the oboe invented?
To make violinists sound good by comparison.
Why do oboe players never play hide and seek?
No one wants to look for them.
What’s the definition of an optimist?
An oboist without a tuner.
Why do oboe players sit in the back of the orchestra?
So no one sees them crying during a concert.
What are oboes good for?
Kindling for a campfire.
What do an oboe and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
Keep it in an oboe case.
What is the definition of a minor second?
Two oboes playing in unison.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a career playing the oboe?
One sucks the life out of you, and the other is a mosquito.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the oboe recital.
What’s the difference between an oboe and a dying goose?
People feel sorry for the goose.
Why do oboists always have a box of tissues?
Because their instrument makes them cry.
What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
An oboe player.
Why are oboe jokes so short?
So oboe players can understand them.
What do you need when an oboe player is stuck in quicksand?
More quicksand.
How do you know when an oboe player is at your door?
The door bell plays out of tune.
Why don’t you let oboe players take any breaks?
Because they’ll forget how to read music, and it takes too long to reteach them.
Did you check out the book about oboes?
It’s a pretty light reed.
How do you get a million dollars playing the oboe?
Start with 2 million.
How do you make an oboe player laugh on a Saturday night?
Tell them a joke on a Thursday.
Why is the oboe a divine instrument?
Because when you blow into it, only God knows what comes out.
What’s the difference between an oboe player and a psychiatric ward patient?
Nothing. The oboe player just hasn’t been caught yet.
What’s the definition of an optimist?
An oboe with a mortgage.
What’s the difference between an oboe player and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What’s the difference between an oboe and an English Horn?
An English Horn burns longer.
Why was the oboe player arrested?
He was in treble.
What’s the difference between an oboe player and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops whining when you slap it.
What’s another use for a hammer?
An oboe mute.
What did the clarinet say to the bassoon after a long day of rehearsal?
“At least we’re not oboes.”
Why did the oboist switch to percussion?
They were already carrying a useless wooden stick, so may as well make it two!
And always remember: If you play the oboe, you are the joke.
