What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A saxophone player.
What’s the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
How do you know the stage is level?
The saxophone player is drooling from both sides of their mouth.
Why was the sax player crying?
He had a bari bad day.
What did the music store do to make money?
Selmer saxophones and mark six of them at a premium price.
What’s the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower.
How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.
Why don’t sax players like the soprano sax?
No place to hide the drugs.
What’s the difference between roadkill and a dead saxophonist?
Skid marks in front of the road kill.
How many C Melody sax players can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.
Did you see the book about saxophones?
It was a very light reed.
How many sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change the light bulb and four to figure out how John Coltrane and Charlie Parker would have done it.
How many sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but they’ll keep messing up and blame their reeds for it.
How many sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one. But the rest of the section will talk about how they could do it better.
How many sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but they need to try all the lightbulbs in the box until they find the best one.
How do you get a sax player off of your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What’s the difference between a sax player and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you get two sax players to play in tune?
Shoot one.
No really. How do you get two sax players to play in tune?
Shoot them both.
Want to hear a really funny joke?
Classical saxophone.
If you’re lost in the woods, who do you ask for directions? An in-tune soprano sax player, an out-of-tune soprano sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out-of-tune soprano sax player. The other two indicate that you’re hallucinating.
What is the definition of perfect pitch?
Throwing a saxophone in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
What’s the best form of birth control?
Being a saxophone player.
Why do saxophone players leave their mouthpiece on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicap spot.
How do you get a saxophonist to stop playing?
Put sheet music in front of them.
What’s the least used sentence in the English language?
“That soprano sax sounds amazing!”
Adolphe Sax invented the saxophone in 1846 as a joke.
The saxophone players still haven’t got it.
Five saxophonists are going to a gig in a six-seater car. The car crashes and all the five sax players die. Why isn’t this considered a tragedy?
There could have been one more seat filled.
What is the definition of a true gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the saxophone, but chooses not to.
What’s the difference between a soprano sax and a fish?
You can actually tune-a fish.
What is a saxophone’s favorite snack?
Jazz berries.
How do you confuse a saxophone player?
Put sheet music in front of him.
What does a saxophone and a baseball have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
How can you tell if a sax player is at the front door?
They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.
What’s the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?
The vacuum only sucks when you plug it in.
How do you insult a tenor saxophone?
Call it a bass clarinet.
How do you get a million dollars playing the saxophone?
Start off with 2 million.
Did you hear about the sax player who played in tune?
Neither did I.
What does a saxophone have in common with a lawsuit?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What’s the difference between a saxophone solo and scraping nails on a chalkboard?
Vibrato.
How can you tell if a saxophonist is out of tune?
They’re playing.
A young child told his mother “When I grow up I’m going to be an saxophone player.”
His mother responded “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”
How do you imitate a saxophone player?
Miss a lot of notes.
Why are saxophone jokes so short?
So that saxophone players can understand them.
What do you call two saxophone players playing in unison?
A half step.
How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
Leave it in a saxophone case.
What does the saxophone player say at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
What’s the difference between a saxophone and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up a saxophone.
What does an orchestral gig for a saxophone player have in common with Christmas?
They both only come once a year.
What did the saxophone player get on his IQ test?
Drool.
What’s the difference between a tenor saxophone player and a macaw?
One is loud and obnoxious, and the other is a tropical bird.
What is the dynamic range of the saxophone?
On or off.
What’s the difference between a tenor sax solo and a bottomless pit?
It’s reasonable to hope that a bottomless pit won’t go on forever.
What’s the difference between a tenor sax and a baritone sax?
The baritone holds more garbage.
A sax player and a guitarist travel by taxi to a jazz gig. Which one of them is the professional musician?
The taxi driver.
What’s the difference between a saxophone player and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops whining when you slap it.
How do you make a clarinet sound like a saxophone?
Miss a bunch of notes.
