How do you get a trumpet to play fff?
Write “mp” on the part.
How do you know who the principal trumpet is?
They tell you.
How do you know the stage is level?
The trumpet player is drooling from both sides of their mouth.
How do you make a trumpet player laugh on a Saturday night?
Tell them a joke on a Thursday.
How do you find the trumpet players on the playground?
Look for the kids that can’t swing.
What is the definition of a true gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn’t.
What would a trumpet player do if he won a million dollars?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
What’s the difference between a free jazz trumpeter and a terrorist?
The terrorist has sympathizers.
What’s the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
How do you get a trumpet to play p?
Take the horn away.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. He holds it in place and the whole world revolves around him.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he’ll do it really loudly.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to put it in, and four to talk about how much better they could have done it.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to discuss how Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis would have done it.
How many second trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t go up that high.
How many jazz trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb?
Doesn’t matter. They can fake the changes.
What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A trumpet player.
What’s the difference between a trumpet and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
What’s the difference between road kill and a dead trumpet player
You’ll see skid marks in front of the road kill.
How do you get a trumpet player off of your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What’s the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What’s the difference between a trumpet player and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you get two trumpet players to play in tune?
Shoot one.
No really. How do you get two trumpet players to play in tune?
Shoot them both.
What is the definition of perfect pitch?
Being able to throw a trumpet into a trash can without hitting the sides.
What do trumpets have in common with pirates?
Terror on the high C’s.
Why do trumpet players leave their instrument on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicap spot.
Five trumpet players are going to a gig in a six-seater car. The car crashes and all the five trumpet players die. Why isn’t this considered a tragedy?
There could have been one more seat filled.
How do you confuse a trumpet player?
Put sheet music in front of him.
What do a trumpet and a baseball have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
How do trumpet players greet each other?
Hi, I’m better than you.
How can you tell if a trumpet player is at the front door?
They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.
What’s the difference between a trumpet and a vacuum cleaner?
The vacuum only sucks when you plug it in.
What does a trumpet have in common with a lawsuit?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the trumpet recital.
A young child told his mother “When I grow up I’m going to be a trumpet player.”
His mother responded “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”
What’s the difference between a trumpet and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up a trumpet.
How do you imitate a trumpet player?
Miss a lot of high notes.
How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
Leave it in a trumpet case.
What does the trumpet player say at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
What did the trumpet player get on his IQ test?
Drool.
What’s the difference between a trumpet player and a macaw?
One is loud and obnoxious, and the other is a bird.
What’s the difference between a jazz trumpet solo and a bottomless pit?
It’s reasonable to hope that a bottomless pit won’t go on forever.
What do all great trumpet players have in common?
They are deceased.
What’s the difference between a trumpet player and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops whining when you swat it.
Why are trumpets smaller than French horns?
They’re not really smaller. The trumpet just looks smaller because the trumpet player’s head is so much bigger.
Why are trombone jokes so short?
So trumpet players can understand them.
How do you get a trumpet player to shut up?
You don’t.
What is the range of a trumpet?
As far as you can throw it!
What do you call a trumpet player who shows up on time for rehearsal?
Unusual.
What is the definition of a minor second?
Two trumpets playing in unison.
How do you get a trumpet to stop playing?
Hit it with a hammer.
How do you make a trumpet sound more beautiful?
Sell it and buy a French horn instead.
Why was the trumpet invented?
To make French horns sound good by comparison.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a career playing the trumpet?
One sucks the life out of you, and the other is a mosquito.
What do you need when a trumpet player is stuck in quicksand?
More quicksand.
What’s the difference between a trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don’t know either.
What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What’s the difference between a trumpet player and God?
God knows he’s not a trumpet player.
